Installment #3 - "Get Off the Bandstand"

CHAPTER ONE
Who Do You Think You Are, Anyway?

If you wish to be viewed as a serious artist, or even at the very least, a singer who obviously loves the music you are freely sharing in the world, it becomes necessary to put away your ego and realize what it is you really have here. What exactly is it, this talent of yours??

Did you invent it? When? How old were you? What was the original idea for this brilliance of yours? Is there a blueprint around we can examine?

Hardly, right? Obviously, if you look closely, you can see that you DID NOT create your talent. It’s a gift, pure and simple.

It’s a talent that was given to you, most likely at birth, for which, in a perfect world, you in turn, say “thanks” to your Creator by offering it to others with the same intensity and profound love with which it was given to you.

Do You Get That?? Does it make sense to you?

It’s a talent that was GIVEN to you, most likely at birth, for which you are more or less encouraged by your Creator to SHARE it with others with the same intensity and profound love with which it was given to you.

You do NOT use it to glorify yourself in arrogance, and self-promotion, although it’s certainly not a giant leap for the EGO to deduce that you must be special indeed to have been given a gift of this magnitude! And of course…you ARE…as are all of God’s children, including your audiences, your fellow musicians, your housekeeper, your mechanic, your enemies…(see where I’m going with this?)

Now, I can hear you, singers! I hear you yelling back at me, “But , what are you saying, Chrys? That the only way to demonstrate how grateful we are for our talent is to humble ourselves when we perform? Shouldn’t we be strutting our stuff instead? What’s with all this humility…we’re not monks!!”

Well, yes…and no! It would depend on what your definition of strutting is.
If you mean showing off in a manner that suggests a message of
“Look at me, you losers! I’m special, and you are NOT!”.
Then, I would think that THAT was an ungrateful demonstration of your talent.

But if you mean by strutting that you sing with zeal and passion, and celebrate your talent AND your ability to use it to turn people on with the joy you feel in your heart, then, okay! Strut away!!

I sorta prefer the term “gravitas” to more clearly describe the quality I am talking about. It’s more of a dignity than a swagger. There is a certain substance or weightiness, or even a lordliness in the kind of person who walks in a glow of self-confidence and gratitude for what he has.

In a performer, it’s magical, and majestic! It’s the power to look into your eyes and go all the way to your soul…”Killing You Softly with His Song”.

You can’t strut that kind of a gift. You really cannot!! It is this humble author’s view that this gift has to constantly be treated with honor, adoration and reverence. Come on! You DID NOT CREATE IT! It was GIVEN, and you DISCOVERED it inside of you! Bravo for THAT! Wow!! And THAT is why you share it, right? It truly IS! Look!

It’s like when you were a kid and you happened upon a shiny marble on the sidewalk. You couldn’t wait to find your friends and say, “Look at this! Look what I found! Isn’t it fabulous? Let’s play with this for a while!” That’s not swaggering or bragging, it sharing what you found with people that matter to you. And when you perform from this perspective, you are sending vibrations of love all over the place, and you are showered with the stuff in return.

Performing from this space in consciousness cannot be faked, singers! You have to mean it. That’s what I’m talking about when I tell you singers to establish a relationship with your audience, and to find something special about them and to love them.

And you also have to love your musicians.

The feelings that travel among each of you on stage becomes PART of the songs you are singing so you HAVE to love and respect and admire your musicians.

Let me tell you a little story to more correctly make my point on this particular issue about loving your musicians.

I was traveling around the country several years ago with a big band, and when I say “big band”, I am talking about a particular genre of music called “Big Band”. It refers to the 18-piece bands of the 40’s and 50’s like Glenn Miller, Woody Herman, the Dorsey Brothers and people like that.

I traveled with the Les and Larry Elgart big band back in the early 60’s and also with Si Zentner’s Band, and The Tommy Dorsey Orchestra under the direction of Sam Donahue for several years.

There were occasions when the band was backing up a big name singer in Vegas or Reno, or somewhere, and on those occasions I would get the night off. I never stopped being totally star struck by some of the big stars that were backed up by the bands I was on…singers I grew up adoring, like Mel Torme, Johnny Ray, Nancy Wilson, Connie Francis, and people like that.

So, even if I had the night off, there was no way I wasn’t going to stand in the wings and watch these people I loved perform, and dream about reaching the heights that they already had attained.

99% of the time, my “idols” did not disappoint…except for this one time…

TO BE CONTINUED

Get Off the Bandstand! (The Rules of Behavior for the Aspiring Jazz Singer) PART TWO

Previously…I compared being a working professional singer to a tennis player…each making a living and a life by doing what he or she loves to do, and while they dream of stardom and fortune, they play by the rules of the game of the present moment.

In Tennis, there have only been 6 players in the history of the sport, who have won all 4 Grand Slam Tennis Events. And only 2 of those 6 have won on 4 completely different surfaces! Those 6 players are well-known all over the world, while there are thousands more players who make a good living playing tennis, and while they will win a tournament here and there, are not widely known.

Good, all around tennis players, just like good all-around singers can make a living doing what they love, and what could be better than that! Not everyone’s gonna end up at the top of the game or in the record books, and that should NOT be the goal anyway. The goal is to do what we LOVE more than anything.

This book is geared toward Jazz Singers and Singing, which is a specific genre and has with it very specific set of rules that the singer should follow to be considered a true pro!

And, by the way, when I talk about singing Jazz, I am not referring to what they call “Smooth Jazz”, or “New Jazz”.

I don’t even know what that is, but the songs and styles I hear, either of which are referred to with that moniker are NOT Jazz in this author’s humble opinion. Elevator renditions of a Jazz standard, played by John Tesh is NOT Jazz!

When I talk about Jazz, I am speaking with reverence about an art form created, in the cotton fields down south by singing slaves; nurtured by the melodic stylings of Louis Armstrong and the chaotic expression of Ornette Coleman, and continuously expanded in its rhythms and harmonic patterns by people from Scott Joplin at the start of the 20th century, to Miles Davis, Ella Fitzgerald, John Coltrane in the mid-20th century, and Chick Corea, and Wynton Marsalis into the 21st century! And does not include anything played by Kenny G or Yanni!

Jazz is one of America's greatest exports.

It is the first truly American musical genre, and was recognized by Congress in 1987 as a national treasure.

Thanks to countless performers and innovators over the course of centuries, jazz has risen to become one of the most respected musical genres in the world.

And if you wish to sing jazz and be called a singer of jazz, don’t just learn how to scat…study the history of jazz and connect with its soul.

It’s more than technique, it’s so much more than dexterity, It’s a pure and unadulterated American Art form to be respected and to be proud of!

And there are rules that don’t exist in other musical forms…rules of behavior on the bandstand, rules of understanding the particular language of jazz, and well….that’s what this book is about!

I’ve been a voice teacher for 30+ years. There are literally thousands of us in the world, and, as in any educational field, some of us are better at it than others.

I don’t claim to be the best voice teacher out there. There are better technicians than I for certain; many classically-trained vocalists who understand the anatomical aspects of singing far better than I do, and whose methods, I think, should definitely all be attempted by the aspirant to see which works best for him or her as a student of voice. Trying on singing methods is much like trying on songs to sing, or trying on coats for that matter. You try different ones on until you find the one that FITS!!

Learning from a teacher is totally subjective. The bottom line is, if you “click” with your teacher, you are able to learn from that person. If you don’t “click”, then it doesn’t matter how accomplished he or she is, how many famous clients he or she has taught, or how expensive or inexpensive the fees are.

The fact remains that you cannot learn and get better as a singer with a teacher or coach with whom you just don’t connect.

Personally, I spend just about 6 weeks training voices to sing, the reason being that 6 weeks is the maximum amount of time it takes to put certain principles of singing on auto-pilot, such as; the breathing, the sound creation, (diaphragm control), the body’s resonation centers, and the Seven Deadly Sins of Singing which are to be avoided.

That’s pretty much all of what I teach to beginning students. I leave it up to the individual singer to practice the drills I design for each specific concern he or she may have about his/her voice. If the student is dedicated and seriously committed to his/her singing, the 5-10 minutes a day of drilling is not much to ask, and the results are amazing!

But, almost any decent voice teacher can do that for a student.

Where my joy and fulfillment lies is in the performance aspect of singing…and in helping a singer to discover his own voice, his sense of musicality, purpose, and ultimately, his total power through his vocal performance to alter Energy, and subsequently, Matter!

And while I am no scientist, everything I teach, write about, or talk about with my students is based on empirical knowledge, that is knowledge which has been informed by my own personal experience.

So when I say that a performance can move energy, I say it because I’ve seen it happen…and often!

This principle is widely known and accepted in the world of sports, where a particular athlete’s performance can so move the observers’ that they in turn will literally send him or her the positive energy required to accomplish the goal at hand.

This is true in almost all sporting events, but most easily understood when a single athlete is performing a feat, like playing tennis, golf, diving, or standing at the plate with a bat. The crowd becomes a “partner” in the process of achievement and each member of the observing crowd will literally feel the joy or agony of the result…as deeply as the athlete himself.

In tennis, for example, when a player is an audience favorite, the opponent will want to start the match with a flair of winning points, specifically to “take the crowd out of it”, meaning to quiet their cheers and leave the favored player with no energy with which to fight except his/ her own.

Baseball fans are celebrated as the “10th man on the field”.

And for a singer, there is nothing more meaningful and deeply felt than the audience’s applause, that symbol of love and devotion that all artists crave. For some, once they have experienced the feeling of a standing ovation, they can never be satisfied with anything less ever again.

There is, however, a price to be paid for that kind of love!

Or perhaps a more appropriate way to put it is…there needs to be a certain reverence shown to the art form itself for its ability to produce joy, and sadness, exhilaration, and despair, hope, and love that nothing else can produce.

We as singers of song, need to be profoundly and utterly grateful for this gift we have been blessed with by the creator of all that is.

We didn’t invent it. We didn’t manufacture it, and we can never take it for granted or treat it with egotistical arrogance or stupidity!

And I have written this book to demonstrate what I believe is the appropriate way to carry this gift and cherish it, treasure it, and guard it, lest it be taken away in a flash!

So we’ll talk about how to work with musicians, writers, producers and promoters in a way that honors your talent…but also theirs!

In addition, we’ll be covering some helpful hints on dealing with fans and customers. (This section will be quite amusing, and sometimes scary, so be sure to stick around for that!)

And we’ll discuss your ability and willingness to adhere to the rules of the road on a bandstand…in other words the things you need to know…which are so much more than just the song you’re singing.

So off we go…into the world of the professional singer/musician!

TO BE CONTINUED…

Happy August, Singers!!

Been away a long time, huh? Actually, I've been putting the blog on another site for the past 7 months or so, and if you'd like to read any of the ones you missed, they may be accessed at www.singyourlife.com/blog/.

Hope your Summer, wherever you may be is giving you an opportunity to rest and appreciate all the great things in your life. I truly believe that it’s that appreciation, that fuels the continuation of those great things.And don’t I get more and more philosophical each month???

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this blog…its value as entertainment as well as my own seemingly endless pontifications on the subject of singing and all its aspects.

My sister forwarded something to me a few months ago by an author named Sara Davidson. It was in a blog format, but it was actually a story in serial form and each month her blog would be a continuation of the story she was telling.

While I actually found the story a little silly, something about love and sex after the age of 50, and why even at that age, a woman cannot seem to identify a DOG when she sees one, I kinda liked the idea of the serial format.

So….I have decided to serialize my next book for you, my loyal readers. You get to read it way before it even goes to the publishers, and your comments will really help me when the time comes for final edits, so thanks in advance for that, singers.

Here’s the first installment of “Get off the Bandstand”, OR (The Rules of Behavior for the Aspiring Jazz Singer).

Introduction:
This guidebook is designed specifically for those singers who wish to pursue, or are already pursuing a career as a Jazz Singer. It doesn’t apply to any other vocal genre. And that being said, let me take a moment here to explain why that is before getting on with this book.

It is widely understood in the world of Tennis, that in order to be considered a complete player, one who is rated among the very best in the world, year after year after year, the player must be able to perform on a variety of surfaces.

In other words, the player should be as comfortable on a grass court as he or she is on a clay court, a hard court, or an indoor carpeted court. Each court demands a completely separate set of skills from the player because each surface creates different challenges.

For example, the ball will tend to bounce differently, lower, or end up in an unexpected position on grass where there are dips and even holes on the surface, than on a hard concrete court where there are none. Or, while one needs to be able to run to the ball on a grass court, he will have to perfect a sliding technique on clay to be a consistent winner.The thing is that to be a truly consistent and top rated player, one must be able to negotiate all surfaces accurately and play according to the protocols inherent in each surface.

And it’s the same for singers. Every gig is different. A singer cannot perform at a wedding the same way he/she does at a cabaret gig. And let me tell you ladies that if you try, you’ll probably never work a wedding again. Why? Because “stealing” the spotlight from the bride is a big “no no” in the wedding reception business. The guests are not at all interested in the singer’s little self-aggrandizing anecdotes. They just wanna dance!

And while you may be sitting there reading this and thinking, “Who cares about that? I will never work a wedding gig. Those are lame. I’m too good for that”, let me tell you that playing weddings can pay your rent for a year or more while you’re perfecting your scatting, building your book, or practicing your instrument.

Every Gig is Different!

If you get a call to sing back-up at a recording session, this is NOT an opportunity to try out your audition piece for American Idol. You see that, don’t you? Singing backup requires something different, something subdued, without too much vibrato that might make you stick out, because that’s the job you’ve been called to do.

How about a restaurant looking for dinner music? Is this the appropriate venue for a loud, bombastic “Come to the Cabaret”-type number, or maybe your stories of childhood and how you learned the song you’re about to sing?

When a restaurant owner says he wants dinner music, he means SOFT…elevator-style, the kind of music that people can converse over in levels no louder than a whisper.Additional factors distinguishing the differences inherent in singing jobs are not just the venue differences, but the genre differences.

There are experienced, competent singers, who work consistently, who pay their bills on their earnings from singing, who never become a famous celebrity, but who make a living AND a life doing what they love.They are as comfortable in an high class private country club with plush, elegant furnishings as they are in a bar with sawdust on the floor. They can sing in a variety of styles, like requests put forth by the customers, be it a 40’s big band tune, or a country song, or a bossa nova, or even a show tune, or a jazz standard.

These artists, and called Journeymen, (that is any experienced, competent but mostly unknown and uncelebrated performers).

There are thousands of journeymen in the music business, including guitar and keyboard players, saxophone and trumpet players, bassists, flutists, harpists, violinists, cellists, drummers, and yes, singers, all doing what they love for a living, and loving what they do every day.

These are the working professionals of the music business, and while they…[we] understand that every gig is different, and while it remains the dream of every one of them [us] to just DO OUR ACT, stand up there and express our deepest feelings, with our favorite songs, the ones that perfectly express our essence and which are arranged exquisitely, the way we want them; and our warm and witty stories that hold the audiences attention in an utter delightful magnetic clasp that only releases them when we are through, and the perfect venue where the plates and glasses make no noise when we are on the stage, and where the lighting is perfect and the sound system is set to the most attractive equalization for our voice, and one where every eye in the house is on US…Aaah YES!

While we dream all of that, we also know the reality!And that is that if we wish to work as professionals, we can almost assuredly count on being called upon to play, (sing) on different “surfaces” (venues), using a variety of strokes, (sing in a variety of genres, like Country, Jazz, Pop, Rock etc.), and need to be competent in every single one!

A working singer’s schedule for just 2 days: (sample)

• Monday10AM – back-up singing gig at ABC Recording Studio, (no rehearsal – need to read it)
• 12:30PM - Give a voice lesson to a student
• 2PM – Ladies Auxiliary Luncheon and Fashion Show
• 7PM – Happy Hour at the XYZ Bar and Grill
• Tuesday11AM – Art Gallery Opening – (may need to emcee)
• 2PM-4PM - Teach
• 5PM - Cocktail Party at the GHI Hotel – Ballroom A
• 9PM – Dance at the VFW, (may go overtime)

Naturally, every single journeyman performer aspires to greatness, fortune, and celebrity. The point here is that although that’s very true, one has to play by the rules of the game that are being played in the present moment!

TO BE CONTINUED…

New Year Resolutions

So, have you made your resolutions? Everyone I know is making them. "I'm going on a diet", one friend has proclaimed...for the 3rd year in a row.
"I'm going to save some money", another friend has stated, one who has been known to shop 'til she drops.
The thing with resolutions is that they have no meat! By that I mean, not a lot of power.
They are wishes, and only stated as resolutions. Noone really intends to carry through with them and usually by the middle of January, sometimes sooner, they fall into those places of the mind where we store unfinished business. It's a place we don't like to visit too often, and so as time passes we conveniently forget.
And that's fine because to remember just makes us feel bad.
The words "I am going to..." carry no power whatsoever! Talking in the future tense cannot move the universe's energy to assist us because Divine Intervention only knows the "NOW".
If you have read "The Art of Singing" you already know this. In the guided meditation I give you, you see that what we are creating is a visualization of what we want this very moment, not tomorrow or next week.
So, when you make your "resolutions" to practice more and pursue your dreams of singing and making it in the music biz, try writing them down in the present tense.
"I am a singer! I know it's my destiny to be successful. I practice every day, and the Divine Spirit that runs the universe is right this minute working to give me my heart's desire! I am confident that as I continue to work on my dream, it cannot help but materialize for me."
Something like that, but using your own words and feelings, repeated daily for several minutes at a time, will produce remarkable results. See how much more powerful "I am" sounds rather than "I'm going to"?
This is known as the "Act as if" method. And trust me on this, singers. IT WORKS!
Happy practicing!

Cabaret - No! Not the Musical

I want to talk today about the art of Cabaret performance.
Let's make an important distinction right now.
Singing in church, or on the auditorium stage of your highschool or college is not the training ground for the kind of performing I am speaking of, for I DO believe that the only way to understand how to connect with the audience is to get closer to them...physically as well as emotionally.

And the way to do that is to play in a venue that forces you to look into their eyes and guage their response to you. It moves you to communicate with THEM rather than being overly involved with the sound of your own voice. This style of performing that I speak of is called "Cabaret".

Cabaret consists of not just singing, but of interacting with the audience through patter and story-telling.

When you do a "cabaret act", you choose material that will reveal the essence of who you are, one that has the potential of literally casting a spell on the audience and making them hang on your every word, spoken or sung.
When you let them KNOW you, they become your friends and they feel connected and special to be there listening to you.

I am always amazed when I have a student who tells me he/she wants to be the next "American Idol", and then when I ask them to perform for me, they become embarrassed and make some excuse like, "with no mike?" or, "It makes me nervous when you look at me."

Let me say right here and now, if you can't look at your audience, and I mean into their eyes, then you're not a performer, at least not yet. Singing Cabaret-style allows you to learn how to present your own unique talent and your particular spin on life as a performer, for an intimate audience.

And let me add here that a Cabaret Act does NOT have to include perfect vocal technique, for it is more than just singing...much more!

It differs from other onstage disciplines, in that the "wall" between artist and audience is erased. There are no bright lights in your face to shield you from seeing how you're going over.

When you sing in an intimate setting, you are inviting the audience into your world.Cabaret allows you to share who you are and what you feel. And this type of performing can start in your own living room, singing for friends and family members. The idea is to get intimate and tell the story of who you are through your voice and your musical selections, which become woven into your "story".

In cabaret, you can sing anything, as long as it is justified by a personal connection to the material. Cabaret acts can have a theme or not, can honor a single composer or be about someone's life, as long as it's an honest representation of you, the performer, and engages the audience on a personal level.

When I left NYC years ago and was doing a cabaret act on the road, I always included a set of songs about "home". Luckily for me, there are a ton of songs about NYC, so I had a wealth of material to choose from. I'd start out with somethin like, "We'll have Manhattan", and slowly build through 4 or five more songs to the big finale of "New York, New York". My audiences from Peoria to Butte, from Kennebunkport to Phoenix reallyloved that set.

I also had sets of Cole Porter Medleys, Frank Sinatra Songs, and always always always did an entire set of audience REQUESTS.

So what do you want to say at this point in your life? Choose songs that will tell your listeners all about that!

Because keeping your performance honest will convince your audience of your sincerity and make them adore you.

Holiday Gift-Giving! How 'Bout You?

Forgive me, singers, for missing the entire month of November with regard to the newsletter, but I have been preoccupied with some serious health concerns, and I am undergoing continuous procedures and treatments to correct the problems.
I must admit to some depression about the state of my physical self, although I can say that the cliché, “behind every cloud lies a silver lining”, is valid. In the midst of my anxiety and self-pity, I rediscovered the profound love of my two sisters, which I had forgotten was there, and they stepped up to support me through this entire ordeal. They are my angels.

Anyway, my students and I still plan to make the rounds of the senior communities and nursing homes with our holiday music program. I cannot emphasize enough the value of such an exercise, singers. When you share your gifts with others in such a heartfelt way like singing, you generate the quality of JOY. And JOY, it is said, is the key to attracting the desires of your heart into your experience. So I invite you to visit some nursing homes with your karaoke machines and share your talent this holiday season.

Some time ago, we conducted a survey of all our subscribers asking a variety of questions, some of which included age and preferred musical genre.

And my private practice here in Corpus Christi, while it does consist of several mature singers, is mostly comprised of young female singers, ages 11-16. However, the majority of my readers of this newsletter are between 45 and 70, and you enjoy singing Broadway, Country, and most of you prefer Jazz or Cabaret. (BTW, I have written an extensive article about the genre of Cabaret, which I will be placing on this blog for those of you who are interested.)

I bring this survey up again because mainly, when most singers reach age 40, any and all fantasies of singing professionally have already withered and we decide to give up.

I have spoken ad nauseam on the subject of giving up, but let me briefly point out...again...that if you want your life to work, you need to stay connected to the things of life that you love. And if you like to sing....THEN SING!!! The passion you allow yourself to experience causes beautiful things to happen for you, so there is never a valid reason to quit engaging in the activities of your heart and soul that you are passionate about.

And when you consider the singers who are still performing in their 70’s and 80’s, AND, that their audiences coming out to listen to them are still enthralled by the performances, you must admit that it’s never too late. Broadway, Jazz and Cabaret happen to be very forgiving genres, and one doesn’t need to be young and skinny to attract an audience. Think about these singers:
Tony Bennett
Barbara Cook
Elaine Strictch
Carol Channing

Each of these are currently pulling in huge audiences across the country.

Or these, who just about sang until they dropped:
Frank Sinatra
Rosemary Clooney
Peggy Lee
Ella Fitgerald

Each of these artists maintained a huge fan base right up to the end of their lives.

Okay, I can hear what you are saying, “Well sure, they can sing into their 80’s since they were legends at 30 and the public knows who they are. What about us 50 year-olds who never really made it, but we cannot get rid of the “itch” to keep trying.”

To this, I say simply…Perhaps you are approaching it from the wrong angle. The question is NOT how to get rid of the “itch”, but how to fulfill your dream of performing at the age you are now.

I just cannot think of a Loving Spirit that would continue to give you this “itch” if there were not a way to materialize it. I will never believe in a cruel or prankish God!

So what IS there to do about your desire? Again…your job is to share it…and trust me there are people who need for you to do just that.

Do you recall the now famous line from the movie, “Field of Dreams”? “Build it…and they will come”. This seems on face value to be some supernatural admonishment that most people, including some characters in the movie, believe is just some nonsense.

But let’s use something more conventional as an example.

Suppose you are lonely and you desire a mate, maybe just a dear friend.
What do all the commercial magazines tell you to do? Sit alone and wait for the phone to ring? No! They may tell you to go get a make-over, lose some weight, and you could do those things but still sit home and wait. The more new-age publications may suggest that you get out into the world with your new make-over and thin bod…and EMIT an energy of confidence. For it’s THAT, the energy you emit, that will attract the desired person to you.

Another example:

Why is it that people with means are the ones who always seem to win at the roulette table or slot machine, when the poor person using his rent money usually loses it?
The answer is the energy being emitted by these people. The person with money to lose is relaxed and even enjoying himself while gambling, while the poor person is generating a desperate and negative energy.

Instead of fretting and complaining over the fact that you never made it as a professional singer, be joyful that you have been given this talent, and then use it to uplift others….maybe not in Carnegie Hall or Radio City Music Hall, but somewhere.

And the more you share it, the more joy you bring to others, the more happiness you attract to yourself, along with inspired action to take to become a true professional whatever the age.

There is a singer among you who shall remain nameless, who at the age of 60 started to sing at some nursing homes in her city. She became so popular that she had to start hiring other singers to cover jobs that she had double booked. She made sure that the programs performed by these singers matched her own with the kind of music that she had learned was preferred by the audiences she serviced.

Before long she had 20 bookings a week, and it was then that she received inspiration to start a booking agency for the specific purpose of providing entertainment to senior centers, nursing homes and assisted living establishments. She maintains a thriving business to this day, one that has exceeded her expectations and gives her a handsome retirement income, which at 60, she thought had passed her by.

I tell you these things because, I think that what you truly want is the satisfaction and joy singing will bring you, and not so much the fame and fortune. After all, you’re not 15 anymore, right?

And the holidays, my friends, are the perfect time to begin. I am learning every day that it is never ever too late to begin something that can have a positive impact on the rest of your life, no matter how long or short a time that seems to you. Doing something different, thinking about something in a different way, even something as simple as changing the route you usually take to work can be the start of a new and brighter future for you.

Sounds silly? Well, I invite you to try it and prove me wrong.
But DO write and let me know how a small change in the way you do or think something made you feel, okay?

Happy Holidays, Singers!!

Rejection - Ouch! That Hurts!

As artists, we often times face rejection. However, not only as artists but in many areas of our lives. And I think it becomes much easier to deal with if we remember that we are not rejected because of who WE are but because of who the other person is.

If we understand this, and if we do not personalize it, life would be much calmer, more peaceful and certainly more productive.

My son goes on a lot of auditions in Hollywood, and quite often he is not chosen for the role he wanted. He says, "I don't take it personally. I just accept that on that particular day, I was not what they were looking for, and move on. It's not a judgment of ME!"

If I were to try out for the part of Laurie in "Oklahoma", for example, I would have expect to be turned down. After all, my voice, and character don't fit that role at all. So it would be ludicrous to feel bad about not getting that part. You see that, right?

Personal rejection has an even greater sting, tho', doesn't it? I had a recent experience with personal rejection and I can say for sure, it hurts. Prone as I am to revealing parts of my personal life to you readers, still, I'll just give you the abbreviated version here:
I met a man online...a lovely man with whom I shared much. We seemed to click really fast, and in a matter of a month, we were on the telephone with each other almost every night, singing song lines to each other and guessing the songs, talking about our growing feelings of comfort and friendship, and the easy way we were with each other.

I started smiling all the time, feeling good, and young, and able to move mountains. Yes! (Even at my advanced years, it's still possible to recapture the rapture of youthful romance, singers.)
Anyway, one night, as we were cooing on the telephone, I said, "I think we should meet."

All was silent for what seemed like an eternity, tho' I'm sure it was only a few seconds.
Finally, he said that there was a pressing matter he needed to attend and said a quick good night.

He never called again.

I emailed him...several times, and when he finally did answer, it was to explain that he had allowed himself to be swept away by his own romantic notions and had responded to my attentions in an uncharacteristic manner. He was not prepared to take our relationship further, but of course still cared for me deeply and wished to remain friends.
Well, that smarted a little...Hell! A LOT!! My very first instinct, and thankfully not the one that ultimately prevailed, was to write him a nasty letter tell him off for what was clearly a flight of fancy for him at my heart's expense.

But then I saw it! This was HIS problem, not mine. He could not allow himself to be happy! He could NOT see a way of bridging the physical distance between us and so made a decision to crawl back into his comfort zone, empty and lonely as it was. How sad is that?

If I felt any deep rejection from this guy it was for about 5 minutes! Then all I could muster was pity. He, on the other hand, continues to write and inquire if I am "okay". It's actually funny to me now...let me add this:

I do not regret one second of romantic feelings, conversations, and exchanges with this man. It made me feel great and there's certainly nothing wrong with that!
Yes, rejection is tough. It doesn't matter whether the rejection comes from a director, a business associate, a friend, husband, wife, lover, or even a total stranger, it still hurts. If we possess any sensitivity at all, it's natural for us to feel bad. The trick is not to mind too much, not to focus all our energy and time on saying, "How could they, (he, she) do this to me."

When we can stay in the present and realize that it's in the re-experiencing of the moment of rejection that builds in us and makes us nuts, then we can feel the feeling,
in that moment, and just let it go! Our ego just wants to re-live it over and over, but we don't need to let it!

Richard Bach, one of my top 5 favorite writers, had already written a number of books when he sent his new manuscript to a major publisher. It was promptly rejected with a note attached as to its quality. But he believed in his work and continued to send it out, realizing that his subject matter was NOT going to be preferred by a lot of publishers.

Seventeen or eighteen rejections later, his manuscript was finally accepted by Macmillan. It was Richard's positive way of looking at life that made him keep on. I am sure that the rejections bothered him a bit, but was quickly neutralized with the publication of "Jonathan Livingston Seagull" which resulted in Richard Bach gracing the cover of Time magazine. And today, each of his meaningful books have touched the hearts of millions of readers.

This, dear singers, you MUST remember!! There's no one else on earth with your talents and your abilities. No one else can do what you do. You are unique, a special person-- someone whose hopes and dreams span eternity itself.

Don't let rejection bring you down. Just "see" it differently from the way you're accustomed to, 'cause it's not really a rejection of you, your singing, your personality or your soul. It's a commentary on the one who is doing the rejecting.
As Terri Cole-Whittaker once wrote in her book of the same name,
"What You Think of Me of None of My Business".

My mission for your singers is that you explore your world of song as you are. Hide nothing from yourself. It does not matter if you are a professional or a silenced voice who sings in the confines of a hidden corner. This is your place to shine, your time to learn, your opportunity to expand all that you are in the music you create!

I'm here to help you do that!

'Til next time, Singers!