Rejection - Ouch! That Hurts!

As artists, we often times face rejection. However, not only as artists but in many areas of our lives. And I think it becomes much easier to deal with if we remember that we are not rejected because of who WE are but because of who the other person is.

If we understand this, and if we do not personalize it, life would be much calmer, more peaceful and certainly more productive.

My son goes on a lot of auditions in Hollywood, and quite often he is not chosen for the role he wanted. He says, "I don't take it personally. I just accept that on that particular day, I was not what they were looking for, and move on. It's not a judgment of ME!"

If I were to try out for the part of Laurie in "Oklahoma", for example, I would have expect to be turned down. After all, my voice, and character don't fit that role at all. So it would be ludicrous to feel bad about not getting that part. You see that, right?

Personal rejection has an even greater sting, tho', doesn't it? I had a recent experience with personal rejection and I can say for sure, it hurts. Prone as I am to revealing parts of my personal life to you readers, still, I'll just give you the abbreviated version here:
I met a man online...a lovely man with whom I shared much. We seemed to click really fast, and in a matter of a month, we were on the telephone with each other almost every night, singing song lines to each other and guessing the songs, talking about our growing feelings of comfort and friendship, and the easy way we were with each other.

I started smiling all the time, feeling good, and young, and able to move mountains. Yes! (Even at my advanced years, it's still possible to recapture the rapture of youthful romance, singers.)
Anyway, one night, as we were cooing on the telephone, I said, "I think we should meet."

All was silent for what seemed like an eternity, tho' I'm sure it was only a few seconds.
Finally, he said that there was a pressing matter he needed to attend and said a quick good night.

He never called again.

I emailed him...several times, and when he finally did answer, it was to explain that he had allowed himself to be swept away by his own romantic notions and had responded to my attentions in an uncharacteristic manner. He was not prepared to take our relationship further, but of course still cared for me deeply and wished to remain friends.
Well, that smarted a little...Hell! A LOT!! My very first instinct, and thankfully not the one that ultimately prevailed, was to write him a nasty letter tell him off for what was clearly a flight of fancy for him at my heart's expense.

But then I saw it! This was HIS problem, not mine. He could not allow himself to be happy! He could NOT see a way of bridging the physical distance between us and so made a decision to crawl back into his comfort zone, empty and lonely as it was. How sad is that?

If I felt any deep rejection from this guy it was for about 5 minutes! Then all I could muster was pity. He, on the other hand, continues to write and inquire if I am "okay". It's actually funny to me now...let me add this:

I do not regret one second of romantic feelings, conversations, and exchanges with this man. It made me feel great and there's certainly nothing wrong with that!
Yes, rejection is tough. It doesn't matter whether the rejection comes from a director, a business associate, a friend, husband, wife, lover, or even a total stranger, it still hurts. If we possess any sensitivity at all, it's natural for us to feel bad. The trick is not to mind too much, not to focus all our energy and time on saying, "How could they, (he, she) do this to me."

When we can stay in the present and realize that it's in the re-experiencing of the moment of rejection that builds in us and makes us nuts, then we can feel the feeling,
in that moment, and just let it go! Our ego just wants to re-live it over and over, but we don't need to let it!

Richard Bach, one of my top 5 favorite writers, had already written a number of books when he sent his new manuscript to a major publisher. It was promptly rejected with a note attached as to its quality. But he believed in his work and continued to send it out, realizing that his subject matter was NOT going to be preferred by a lot of publishers.

Seventeen or eighteen rejections later, his manuscript was finally accepted by Macmillan. It was Richard's positive way of looking at life that made him keep on. I am sure that the rejections bothered him a bit, but was quickly neutralized with the publication of "Jonathan Livingston Seagull" which resulted in Richard Bach gracing the cover of Time magazine. And today, each of his meaningful books have touched the hearts of millions of readers.

This, dear singers, you MUST remember!! There's no one else on earth with your talents and your abilities. No one else can do what you do. You are unique, a special person-- someone whose hopes and dreams span eternity itself.

Don't let rejection bring you down. Just "see" it differently from the way you're accustomed to, 'cause it's not really a rejection of you, your singing, your personality or your soul. It's a commentary on the one who is doing the rejecting.
As Terri Cole-Whittaker once wrote in her book of the same name,
"What You Think of Me of None of My Business".

My mission for your singers is that you explore your world of song as you are. Hide nothing from yourself. It does not matter if you are a professional or a silenced voice who sings in the confines of a hidden corner. This is your place to shine, your time to learn, your opportunity to expand all that you are in the music you create!

I'm here to help you do that!

'Til next time, Singers!